Magma's a bitch

Sorry, my sweets, to be gone so long. I got stuck in a lake of fire. While it was lovely, I lost track of time. Autumn is almost over. The people of this sad city are running around wildly. Something about a feast of Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what they're all so grateful for. After all, I'm back, aren't I?

I hear talk of a parade in a few days. Perhaps I shall watch it. Parades usually provide endless opportunity for mischief.

Mood (flavor of anger): bemused

Listening to: The Features: "Exhibit A"

Are you normal?

Of course not....don't click "yes" on anything. You might see a lot of blood from those bothersome fellows who kept after me to go to the sponsor. Not at all accurate as it labeled me as a WONDERFUL ECCENTRIC. I rather think that understates the case. It ignores the fact that I'm clearly an eternal child.

....

Mood: Confused/Angry or is that Angry/Confused? Oh let's be honest. For me "mood" just means "what flavor of anger today?"

Listening to: A Warm Place by Nine Inch Nails

If I were in Monty Python and the Holy Grail I would be:


Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!


What Monty Python Character are you?
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If you want to gab at me write me at AuntieCallisto on the gmail account.

Now let's hear from the little people...

Dear Auntie Callisto

What can I do to improve my bridge game and get these women to stop hanging on me?

Much love and cannabis,
Omar Shareefer
Cairo

When the other team table talks, I suggest giving them a warning growl. If that doesn't work, cutting off a hand does wonders for my game. If you want to stop women from hanging, try using an axe.

Dear Auntie Callisto

I have a potluck supper to attend next week. Any ideas for a dish?

Ladiesfingers are always a big hit. Especially if you leave the rings on. A tasty gelatin dessert can be a welcome addition. Just call it nectar and watch it disappear!

Why buy the cow?

Dear Auntie Callisto,

My neighbor stole my cows and now I think he's trying to steal my wife. What is the best way to exact my revenge?

Sincerly,
Enraged Eldoris



Dear Enraged,

Which upsets you more? Stealing your cows or your wife? Not that it matters.

Sounds to me the best thing to do is make a steer. Then feed the chopped off bits to the cows.

Auntie Callisto

That Xena is so handy!

And our first contestant is....

Dear Auntie Callisto,

I have swoln boobys and tummie. Wood bely dansin help me swet owt this swollening?

Menstrual Meg

Dear Meg,

If you did it near Xena when she sprouts those extra arms, she could dispose of all things swollen.

Auntie Callisto

Welcome to my pain

Are you sure you really want my advice? Be careful what you ask for.